At a fundraiser today in Miami, Hillary Clinton angrily condemned Mitt Romney for his comments about Donald Trump. Said Clinton, "I am furious at Mitt. I begged him to make a similar speech about me but he refused." A Clinton spokesman said, "We haven't given up hope. If we can only get Mitt to completely diss Hillary, then she can start measuring the drapes at the White House." In Portland, Maine, a smiling Donald Trump told a raucous crowd, "Tough luck Hillary, you just don't have what it takes to get a Romney insult." Trump continued, "I am going to send Mitt … [Read more...]
Politics
News Flash: Donald Launches New “Trump Phone” Business
At a joint press conference today in Atlanta, Donald Trump and Samsung announced that they have teamed up to launch a new line of cell phones. The initial model is named The Klan and will only come in white. A cheerful Mr. Trump said, "Black was simply out of the question. If you like that color, talk to Hillary." Samsung President, Oh-Yung Kwon, commented, "Given his success with Trump Steaks, Trump University, Trump Mortgage and Trump Casinos we are very excited to partner with Donald on this venture." When Trump was asked about the features on the new phone, he … [Read more...]
News Flash: Trump To Fly Rebel Flag Over White House
At the Faith And Family Conference in Greenville, South Carolina, Donald Trump announced that if he were elected President, the Confederate flag would fly permanently over the White House. Said Trump, "Look people, this flag represents everything I stand for." He continued, "It celebrates not only our rich heritage but also bigotry, racism and xenophobia." Chad Mills of Columbia TV station WIST said, "The crowd went crazy, particularly when Trump began yelling, "Let's make the Confederacy great again." Billy Simms, a conference attendee, said, "He now has … [Read more...]
News Flash: Cold Weather Makes Marco Rubio Malfunction
Last night, outside of a frigid polling station in Nashua New Hampshire, Marco Rubio began to malfunction, before finally breaking down completely. Dottie Roy, a waitress from Milford, said, "I was outside waiting in a long line when Rubio arrives and starts shaking hands with the crowd." Ms. Roy continued, "When I asked Marco how he liked the New Hampshire weather, he responded, "This President is undertaking a systematic effort to redefine the role of government in our country." Others reported having a similar experience. Joe Moore, a construction worker from … [Read more...]
News Flash: Trump Will Deport Iowa to Canada If Elected President.
At a campaign event in Manchester, New Hampshire, Donald Trump announced that, if elected, he plans to deport the entire Hawkeye State. Said Trump, "As I have said a number of times, "How stupid are the people of Iowa." He continued, "Well last night we found out. What a bunch of morons." He went on. "They are terrible people. I plan on moving the whole state north of the border." A Trump spokesman said, "The only explanation we can come up with for last night's result is that these Iowa rednecks thought they were voting for the Prime Minister of Canada." In a … [Read more...]