In what came as a big surprise, Postmaster General Louis DeJoy announced today that Jesus had delivered him a completed mail-in ballot for the upcoming Presidential election.
Said DeJoy, “I was sleeping soundly last night when the Messiah appeared in my bedroom and handed me the sealed envelope.”
The Postmaster continued, “Jesus said that over the last few months he and his father have been watching Trump’s handling of the pandemic, the Black Lives Matter movement and the removal of Confederate statues.’
“Donald saying that Uncle Joe was anti-his father was the last straw.”
When contacted, Dejoy’s wife said that her husband asked Christ why he delivered his mail-in ballot in person. Jesus replied, “I can walk on water, catch thousands of fish and heal the blind but one thing I can’t do is get the mail delivered on time.”
When asked if it was unusual for Jesus to get involved in domestic politics, a Vatican official responded, “Just like he does for most major sporting events, he felt it important to pick a side.”
According to sources, President Trump was furious upon hearing the news. “I don’t know who this Jesus guy is but he clearly is a fraud.” When asked how he knew this, Trump fumed, “Jesus is a Spanish first name so he must be illegal. Find out his address as I am going to track him down and have ICE send him back over the wall.”
When asked for a comment, the Biden campaign issued a statement saying that the Democratic nominee and God do in fact go way back and there is proof that Uncle Joe was there for the birth of our Savior.