At a campaign event in Manchester, New Hampshire, Donald Trump announced that, if elected, he plans to deport the entire Hawkeye State.
Said Trump, “As I have said a number of times, “How stupid are the people of Iowa.” He continued, “Well last night we found out. What a bunch of morons.”
He went on. “They are terrible people. I plan on moving the whole state north of the border.”
A Trump spokesman said, “The only explanation we can come up with for last night’s result is that these Iowa rednecks thought they were voting for the Prime Minister of Canada.”
In a surprise interview with Megyn Kelly, she questioned Trump about the viability of moving an entire state to Canada.
Trump replied, “Unfair question, but because I cherish bimbos I will answer you.”
He continued, “Megyn, if deportation proves too expensive, I will just build a wall. Nothing gets in. Let’s see how long those hayseeds can survive on a corn and ethanol diet.”
At a campaign event in Franconia, Marco Rubio announced that he is contesting last night’s results and is demanding a recount. A perfectly coiffed Rubio said, “I have never been picked third in a popularity contest against two people that scary looking.”
When told of Trump’s plans, Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, said, “Sacre bleu, We are happy to take Iowans and Syrian refugees up here, but Cruz, no way.”
Trump also issued a warning to the citizens of the Granite State. “Look Nuevo Hampshire, if you don’t vote for me, pack your bags because you are all taking a very long Mexican vacation.”