Only days after the stunning news that water has been found on Mars, California Governor Jerry Brown announced today that he has issued an executive order to relocate Orange County to the red planet.
According to sources, Brown’s team analyzed a number of other options, including constructing an intergalactic pipeline and relocating the Bay area, but both were deemed too expensive and not environmentally friendly.
A Brown spokesman said that Orange County made sense as it is more populous than twenty-one U.S. states. It also is the second most densely populated county in the state, second only to San Francisco.
Reaction to the announcement was swift. At a hastily called press conference, Anaheim Mayor Tom Tait issued a tersely worded statement. “Governor Moonbeam is from outer space if he thinks this will work. Brown’s misguided plan discounts all the great things Orange County offers planet earth.” When asked for more details, Tait continued, “Hands down, we have more strip malls, traffic jams and pawn shops than any county in the nation.”
Bay area residents were breathing a sigh of relief. Sources say that Governor Brown was swayed by San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsome’s argument that, “Most Americans think San Francisco is Mars anyway, so moving it there would be completely redundant.”
A spokesman for NASA commented, “Isn’t it ironic that while all those rich, self-proclaimed geniuses in Silicon Valley are building apps, sixteen government employees with a camera figured this whole water situation out.”
A few Walt Disney employees were willing to talk anonymously. A rodent wearing red shorts, large yellow shoes, and white gloves said “I could use a change of scenery anyway and Mars has got to be better than Anaheim or Orlando.”