September 21st, 2015– In a hastily called press conference today at MetLife Stadium, Giants’ owner John Mara announced he was calling an emergency meeting of the NFL rules committee. Mara said that it was time for the game to evolve with the times and is asking the NFL to, effective immediately, approve a brand new scoring category. “Anyone that knows anything about football understands that it is far too easy to win games when you are up by 3 points with 1:43 left and you have a 3rd and 1 from the opponents 1 yard line. Or when you are up by 10 points late in the 3rd quarter and driving down the field.” Mara went on to explain the specifics of his new rule proposal. He wants to include a new scoring category, “style points.” Style points may be awarded to a team for displaying an extraordinarily creative way to lose a game.
Mara said that he heard from thousands of Giants fans today and that they were the inspiration for the proposal. “Many fans told me that it was almost impossible for a professional sports team to lose back to back games the way we did, so I thought to myself, if it is that difficult maybe we should get points for it.”
The proposal states that teams are only eligible to receive style points 6 games a year and that they will be awarded in 4 point increments. Mara explained, “A typical Eli Manning brain freeze, gives you four points but for a complete breakdown in clock management by an entire coaching staff and an MVP quarterback, that will yield you twelve points.”
Although all details have not been worked out, sources say that at the end of the game a coach can throw a purple “style” flag onto the field. This would signal a request for style points. NFL appointed referees will then be able to take up to 45 minutes to watch highlights of the game to make their determination.
The reaction from other NFL owners has been mixed. Patriots’ owner Robert Kraft said “Mara is delusional. His proposal is ridiculous. The last thing this league needs is for teams to make up their own rules.”
On the other hand, Jets owner Woody Johnson was very enthusiastic. “If this rule had been in place already, I would have 5 super bowl rings.”