Roger Scott, Newsweek's Guyanese Bureau Chief, reported today that a Boeing 757 full of senior GOP officials had landed at Jagan International Airport. The passengers then transferred to a 2PM bus to Jonestown. Jonestown is the infamous site of the 1978 mass suicide where 900 Americans took their lives. Mr. Scott said, "Over 100 passengers were on the plane, including, Senators, Congressman, failed Presidential candidates as well as Fox News Executives." Scott continued, "Romney was clearly in charge and just like one of those Japanese tour guide leaders, Mitt … [Read more...]
News Flash: Trump Has Terrible Premonition- Drops Out Of Race
In a stunning development this morning, Melania Trump announced that her husband is dropping out of the presidential race. When asked why, a clearly shaken Mrs. Trump said, “Donald had such a terrible dream last night that it has made him reconsider whether he wants to become President.” Mrs. Trump went on to explain. “Donald dreamt that it was our first night in the Trump House- our name for the newly gold-plated White House." "After putting up his hair and getting into our triple king-size bed, he started tossing and turning- becoming very anxious about being the … [Read more...]
News Flash: Trump and Sports Illustrated Release Candidates’ Wives Swimsuit Edition
At a joint press conference this morning in Milwaukee, Sports Illustrated and Donald Trump announced plans to create a special edition "candidates' wives" swimsuit issue. Said Trump, “As you all know, I cherish women and this is just another way for me to prove it." Sports Illustrated's editor, Paul Fichtenbaun, was happy and relieved. “We sell 600,000 copies of our magazine a year but 599,000 of them are the swimsuit issue.” He continued, “We have tried selling everything else- from Steph Curry’s amazing year to the top 10 racist sports team owners." "But … [Read more...]
News Flash: Obama Picks Trump For Supreme Court Nominee
In a surprising move this morning, President Obama tapped Donald Trump as his nominee for the open Supreme Court seat. Political pundits say that this is a shrewd move and certainly puts Republicans in a pickle. Senator Mitch McConnell agreed, "As a party, we now need to decide which is worse- Trump as Justice or President." McConnell continued, "On the plus side, Donald being Justice takes his tiny little hands off of the nuclear button." "On the down side though, can you imagine having to put up with Justice Trump for life." Political analysts feel … [Read more...]
News Flash: Trump Launches Home Shopping Network.
Earlier this morning, Donald Trump announced that he will be starting a new TV shopping business. Mr. Trump commented, "Look people, this is a tremendous idea. I will sell so much merchandise it is going to make your head spin." Trump continued, "Last week, at my Michigan primary victory speech, I sold 2,000 pounds of Trump steaks, 10,000 cases of Trump water and 85 new memberships to my beautiful golf club." "Trump University also did absolutely fabulous, even with the Chinese." A spokesman for Trump University confirmed this, saying, "Every single Chinese … [Read more...]
- 1
- 2
- 3
- 4
- Next Page »