At a press conference today on a hiking trail in Chappaqua, Hillary Clinton announced that the Clinton family did not celebrate Thanksgiving this year.
Said Hillary, “We tried and tried to come up with things that we are thankful for but we couldn’t get the nightmare image of Donald Trump out of our minds.”
When asked where she spent the Thanksgiving Holiday, Hillary responded, “In my den with a Swanson’s TV dinner and a bottle of vodka, watching Fox News and shaking my head in disbelief.”
Hillary went on to say that she is putting Thanksgiving behind her and is looking forward to the Christmas holiday.
“As a matter of fact, I have come up with a Christmas list.”
When asked what was on it, Hillary reached into her reindeer bespeckled pantsuit, got out a piece of paper and began to read.
“First, I really, really wish that Santa abolishes the electoral college, so I can take my rightful place as President in January.”
“I also wish that Donald would lock me up, preferably in a psychiatric ward. I would be very happy to testify- as only someone completely insane could lose to that idiot in a general election.”
She continued, “Finally, given that my job has been taken away from me, I need retraining. So I wish for an advanced degree in Post-Truth from Trump University. Hopefully I can get into the class taught by Steve Bannon.”
Post-Truth was recently named word of the year by Oxford Dictionary (click here for complete definition)
Hillary was then asked if she is planning to give Christmas gifts to anyone outside of her immediate family.
“First, I am going to give Jim Comey two cases of fully charged Samsung Galaxy 7s.”
“And I plan to open fourteen new Twitter accounts for my good friend Anthony Wiener.”