At a press conference today at Trump Tower in New York City, James Comey announced his resignation from the FBI. Stephen Bannon also announced that Comey would be the new Executive Editor of Breitbart.com.
Said Comey, “My work is done here. There is nothing more to achieve at the FBI.”
He continued, “I feel that I have had a bigger impact on the direction of this country than anyone, with the exception of Anthony Weiner.”
When asked why he chose Breitbart.com as his new professional home, Comey replied, “I was contacted by Mr. Bannon and was flattered when he told me that the President Elect found my writing invaluable.”
Comey continued, “It is all a bit weird though. All I did was pen two short letters and for some strange reason they have gone viral.”
Bannon was excited to have Comey join the Breitbart team. “Jim has an impeccable sense of timing and a great nose for influential subject matter.”
Bannon continued, “What sealed the deal for us was when we asked Jim what other ideas he had in his pipeline.”
“Comey told us he has written a piece which reports Senator Chuck Schumer and the entire Democratic leadership team may or may not be investigated in relation to the ongoing Clinton email scandal.”
“We told Jim that the Editor job was his as long as he held the release of the story until right before the 2018 mid-term elections. He agreed.”
When asked what other jobs he had considered, Comey said, “My friend Donald offered me the Ambassadorship to Russia but I didn’t think I was qualified.”
“I have absolutely no knowledge of the country, particularly its use of technology to influence elections.”
On a separate note, Comey is moving to New York and has been given a penthouse apartment in Trump Tower free of charge.