In yet another late night Tweet, President-Elect Donald Trump said that he has instructed Attorney General Jeff Sessions to shut down The Columbia Grammar Globe– the newspaper published by its middle-school students.
This comes after his private meeting last Friday with the paper’s editorial board, where according to sources, he took the 7th grade reporters to task.
Said Trump, “The failing and biased paper has treated me extremely poorly. All throughout the campaign they have called me absolutely terrible names.”
When asked why, as opposed to the New York Times, he is attempting to shut down this smaller paper, Trump responded, “Look folks, I can understand their past criticism of my positions such as building a wall, locking up Hillary, saying global warming is a Chinese hoax and promising to drain the swamp.”
He continued, “But when I did a 180 on all of these positions, they still bullied me. Hell, they are even criticizing me for potentially hiring a Secretary Of State that actually knows something about foreign policy.”
The school’s Headmaster was clearly disappointed with Mr. Trump’s reaction. “We feel that our paper provides a valuable service to our diverse community.”
He continued, “Where else are students and parents going to find important articles such as, “Is seventh grade too late to start filling out your Harvard application” and “After complaints by hedge fund parents, world-renowned chef, Daniel Boulud, is being brought in to run school cafeteria.”
Parents are furious about the paper’s shutdown and are threatening a law suit against Trump.
Melania Trump, head of the school’s Parents Association said, “We think Donald’s reaction was a bit much, particularly as our son runs the op-ed section”
Barron, didn’t seem that fazed about the situation. “As I told mom, it will be fine, as whenever dad goes low, my entire grade just gets high.”