To get away from the stress of the Charlottesville crisis, Donald Trump took off from Andrews air force base this morning for a seven day vacation in Pulaski Tennessee.
Said a Trump spokesman, “Donald felt he had to get away to a place where he could relax and interact well with the locals.”
Trump’s chief of staff, John Kelly, strongly encouraged Trump to go to a more mainstream summer resort like Sag Harbor but “Donald was afraid that the local actors, authors and baristas would get violent.”
A reporter from Dave’s Paper, the popular Hamptons weekly publication, spoke to Steve Bannon at his new Breitbart office. “Look Dave,” Said Bannon, “I know Sag Harbor was one of the first African American summer retreats, so I told Trump to either stay away from Sag or that I would be there to personally welcome him with some of my nice confederate friends.”
This was confirmed by Dorothy Warren, an employee at the Sag Harbor Emporium.
A clearly shaken Ms. Warren commented, “Twenty minutes ago a tour bus with Mississippi plates pulled up in front of the store.”
She continued, “They came in but had no interest in Sag Harbor products.”
“However we just sold 240 Tiki torches and 120 sets of white bed sheets.”