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Last Minute Rule Changes For Tonight’s Debate

With the Biden-Trump debate only hours away, a number of surprising rule changes have been announced.

At a hastily arranged press conference in Atlanta, John Oberdoff, President of The United States Debate Commission said, “After consulting with representatives from both campaigns and having lengthy discussions with each of the nation’s seven undecided voters, we are making a number of format changes to tonight’s debate.”

He continued, “Both candidates agreed that the debate be reduced to thirty five minutes and include four bathroom breaks.”

Oberdoff went on, “To shake things up, each candidate has chosen an outfit for his competitor. Trump will therefore be wheeled out on stage “Hannibal Lecter style” complete with restraining belts and a goalie mask.”

“Biden will be wearing custom made “Sleepy Joe” pajamas and will be taking all questions from an adjustable bed borrowed from an Atlanta senior center.”

In addition, each candidate will be allowed to bring two guests.

We asked representatives from both sides of the aisle for comments on the last minute changes.

Lindsay Graham said, “I am a bit disappointed that Trump will not be wearing something more flamboyant as I would have been happy to lend him anything in my closet.”

Marco Rubio, Tim Scott and Elise Stefanik each issued press releases stating that they would like to attend as one of the former President’s guests and that they would both wear and say absolutely anything Mr. Trump wanted. Said Rubio, “Just in case, I bought a Stormy Daniels outfit.”

We asked Lara Trump, the new Chairperson of the Republican National Committee, if Melania will be in attendance this evening. She responded, “Melania hasn’t been seen in months so for tonight’s performance, Donald is excited to announce that Ivanka will again be playing the role of his wife.”

We tracked down Vice President Kamala Harris in Utqiagvik, Alaska and asked her if she had helped President Biden with his debate preparation and if she would be in attendance tonight. Harris responded, “Nobody told me about any debate- Joe said it was important for me to fly up here and help get the critically important Inuit vote.”

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