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New Study Shows Widespread Outbreak of Amnesia In Silicon Valley

A new study published by a leading medical research facility in Palo Alto has found a significant outbreak of amnesia in Silicon Valley.

Dr. Jonathan Trimble, the study’s lead researcher said, “We performed extensive interviews with hundreds of venture capitalists in the Bay Area and one hundred percent presented the same clinical symptoms.” He continued, “Not one venture capitalist could recall investing in Rapid Delivery, Buy Now Pay Later or NFT businesses.”

According to the study, even when shown their own investment memos, no VC could recall investing in these names.

We tracked down one Partner at a large venture complex and asked him to explain his firm’s 2021 investor update on its $800 million crypto fund. “There is no way this report is accurate. It says that we backed these so called DAOs and NFTs.” He continued, “No one in their right mind would invest a dime into a company whose sole value proposition is trading Loot Bags or digital images of Apes “

A Senior Analyst at another crypto fund, said, “The only way anyone could deploy that much money is if they instantly valued these fantastical ideas as unicorns.” He continued, “I find that hard to believe and you do know that I have a Stanford MBA?”

We contacted another fund with numerous investments in the rapid delivery sector. “Are you kidding me,” said one of the firm’s Senior Associates, “It’s laughable that you even think we would invest $200 million in a company that claims it can make money delivering $8 pints of ice cream to consumers.” He continued, “Let’s just say, hypothetically, we did invest in such a company, all the money would have gone Go-puff by now.”

The study also interviewed dozens of investment professionals that backed companies in the Buy Now, Pay Later sector. Not one could remember doing a deal. Said one Analyst, “I am not saying we did, but If we had bought these companies now, I am sure that we paid for it later and in a big way.”

The study also found an interesting mutation beginning to appear in late 2022- showing 93% of the answers to respondents questions contained the word AI.

Said Trimble, “This is a very disturbing development. It’s now AI this and AI that. $200 million investment here for a model that helps you brush your teeth to $500 million there for a model that optimizes croissants.” He continued, “It got so bad that when we asked a prominent Sand Hill Road Partner what her name was, she responded, Jen AI.”

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5 Responses

  1. I live these posts! Mr Atkin is that rare breed of delightful and insightful.

  2. Right on. Does Silicon Valley’s obsession with AI help explain why so many seem to be backing trump? Or are they just a tech-bro version of the Wall Street guys who will go with whoever promises lower taxes. Insurrection? It’s like climate change: someone else’s problem. Or, as trump would say on Memorial Day: Suckers!!

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