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News Flash: Ben Carson and Walmart To Launch Clothing Line

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At a super-center store in Baltimore today, Ben Carson and Walmart’s CEO Douglas Mcmillon announced that they will be teaming up to launch the Carson “inner-city” clothing collection.

The initial product will be a belt that is both knife proof and bullet proof.

McMillon said, “Ben couldn’t get his belt idea funded on Shark Tank so he came to us and we loved it.”

Asked if Walmart is having clothing-related discussions with other politicians, McMillon said, “We are considering a Hillary Clinton rebel flag pant-suit.”

This news sent retailers and politicians scrambling.

The Clinton campaign did confirm that there are ongoing discussions with Walmart. “Our fourteen internal polls said that the Dixie pant-suit will help us in the southern swing states and lord knows we need it.”

A grumpy Bernie Sanders claimed that he is working on his own deal. “I just got off the phone with Target and a “Feel The Bern” Yarmulke looks promising.”

Jeff Jones, Target’s head of business development, said that this would be a marketing challenge in some locales and that he will probably have to rebrand it “The round hat that covers your bald spot.”

At a campaign rally in Des Moines, Donald Trump was clearly agitated. ”What a joke. If you believe Carson can produce a stab-resistant belt then I have a wall to sell you.”

Trump also said that he just cut a deal with Tesla to develop the “Adios”- a driverless car for illegals. Said Trump, “We are building 11 million of them. All are being programmed to drive to just one place- Mexico City.”

Finally, after the closing bell, Ralph Lauren and Royal Caribbean announced that they are co-branding a new Cuban themed resort clothing line.  Said Mr. Lauren, “we are calling it “Cruz Wear” and I am particularly excited about the Marco polo.”

 

 

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