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News Flash: Candidates Divulge Their New Year’s Resolutions


The Atkin Files emailed all of the 2016 Presidential candidates, asking them for their New Year’s resolutions and here are excerpts of what we got back:

Ted Cruz- “May 2016 be a year of peace- but only after we carpet bomb the Middle East and see if sand glows in the dark.”

Donald Trump- “People, first of all Merry Christmas. It was really nice of the Mexicans to deck my wall with boughs of holly.”

Trump’s message continued, “I hope that absolutely everyone has a tremendous New Year- except Mexico, China, Syria, Iraq, ISIS, Hillary, the 11 million illegals and that eagle that bit me.”

Bernie Sanders- “I hope the stock market crashes and that 2016 is a horrible year for the 1%.”

Marco Rubio- “In 2106, may I be able to find Washington DC on a map. I haven’t been in a while and I think I still have a job there.”

Jeb Bush- “I just want to come in third.”

Hillary Clinton-  we received an auto-response, “Bill and I are away for the holidays. If you have state secrets, please either use Snapchat or send them to my personal email:”

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