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News Flash: Candidates Divulge Their New Year’s Resolutions

new-years-resolution

The Atkin Files emailed all of the 2016 Presidential candidates, asking them for their New Year’s resolutions and here are excerpts of what we got back:

Ted Cruz- “May 2016 be a year of peace- but only after we carpet bomb the Middle East and see if sand glows in the dark.”

Donald Trump- “People, first of all Merry Christmas. It was really nice of the Mexicans to deck my wall with boughs of holly.”

Trump’s message continued, “I hope that absolutely everyone has a tremendous New Year- except Mexico, China, Syria, Iraq, ISIS, Hillary, the 11 million illegals and that eagle that bit me.”

Bernie Sanders- “I hope the stock market crashes and that 2016 is a horrible year for the 1%.”

Marco Rubio- “In 2106, may I be able to find Washington DC on a map. I haven’t been in a while and I think I still have a job there.”

Jeb Bush- “I just want to come in third.”

Hillary Clinton-  we received an auto-response, “Bill and I are away for the holidays. If you have state secrets, please either use Snapchat or send them to my personal email: pantsuit_queen@you-cant-prove-it.com”

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