Rumors swirled early this morning that Donald Trump hosted a Halloween party for his fellow Republican candidates.
The Soiree was said to have been held at his 70,000 square foot penthouse apartment in New York City.
Trump would not address reporters, however he did just issue a lengthy press release describing the festivities.
Here are a few excerpts:
“Folks, let me tell you, the party was huge. Greatest party I have ever been to.”
“The costumes were absolutely incredible, but I had to burn them at the end of the evening because they were made in China.”
“Hands down, best part of the party…….. Christie shows up early dressed as the George Washington Bridge….. He then blocks the entrance to the building……It takes Rubio and Paul an hour to get through.”
“Carly comes dressed as a successful business executive. I tell her she needs to change her outfit immediately as my invite clearly said “Believable costumes only.”
“Most awkward part of the evening….. Kasich goes up to Cruz and says how much he loves the Grandpa Munster outfit. John turns beet red when I pull him aside and tell him that Ted isn’t wearing a costume.”
“Huckabee comes dressed as that crazy broad from Kentucky…….He then runs around the apartment tearing up my three marriage licenses.”
“Carson shows up as a surgeon…..I mean people, can you imagine having your brain operated on by a guy who has his eyes closed for half the operation……I am surprised Ben could even find the party.”
“I almost forgot about Jeb, but now that I think of it folks, most people have forgotten about him……..Anyway, if you can believe it, Bush comes as the energizer bunny but 30 minutes into the party he’s out of juice and sleeping on the couch.”
“I did let Sean Hannity at Fox cover the event………..Half-way through the party though he asks Cruz a real “gotcha question” about who has the best costume…….. Cruz gets all pissed off and attacks Sean, but in the scuffle it turns out that it is really Rachel Maddow dressed as Hannity.”
“To show that I am a fair guy, I throw a 4pm undercard party for Jindal, Pataki, Graham and Santorum in the basement play-space. They had pizza and I brought in a bouncy castle.”
“One thing that did piss me off……Sanders, dressed as Karl Marx, holds a rally right outside the building on 5th avenue. What a moron…………Then he starts riling up all of my hispanic workers, saying it is reprehensible for the top 1% in this country to have 95% of the candy corn and tootsie rolls.”