In another embarrassing moment for Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto, Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman has escaped yet again from prison, just 48 hours after his most recent arrest.
According to sources, El Chapo was last seen dressed as Donald Trump, getting into the back of a beat up car.
Coronel Wilhelm Klink- Director of Mexico’s Prison System said, “We were ready for all scenarios except this one.” Klink continued, “Our guards were prepared for helicopter landings, shoot-outs and trampolines but not an orange wig and a gypsy cab.”
Details are sketchy but sources say that guards smuggled a Spanish-English dictionary, Trump replica hairpiece and a $2,800 Armani suit into El Chapo’s cell.
El Chapo then slipped on the wig and suit and began hurling a string of anti-Mexican insults towards prisoners and guards.
According to Pedro Alvarez, an employee in the prison cantina, “Trump began yelling in his best Spanglish, “You guys are nothing but a bunch of murderers and rapists.”
“When the prisoners just began nodding in agreement, Trump changed his strategy, and proclaimed,”I have an announcement people. Chipotle has been named the new food provider for the Mexican prison system.”
Alvarez continued, “This naturally caused a major riot and fearing for Trump’s safety, he was removed and dumped onto the street in front of the building.”
At 2:27 p.m. yesterday afternoon, El Chapo tweeted confirmation of his escape:
“It was a very close call. Everything went exactly as planned except when I decided to use Uber for the getaway car…….Those pendejos tried to gauge me with 2.5x surge pricing so I had to call a cab.”