At a press conference today in Milan, Stephan Winkelmann, President of Volkswagen’s Lamborghini division, announced that the company will move all of it’s operations out of Italy.
“I am deeply disappointed that the Vatican chose Fiat for the pope’s travels in America. We are insulted by this decision and feel it inappropriate to stay in Italy. We want to be located in a country where leaders have at least some basic knowledge of automobiles.”
Asked for more details, Winkelmann said, “I was watching the Pope’s arrival in Washington DC on TV and I see him getting into a Fiat, a damn Fiat for heaven’s sake. His Holiness can have any car on the planet and he chooses that tin can?”
A reporter from the Associated Press questioned Winkelmann as to what type of car he thought more appropriate. “Easy question. There are a number of cars in my company’s product line that are perfect for his demographic. For god’s sake, a wealthy, single male in his seventies should be driving one of our Lamborghinis, Bentleys or Bugattis. Our top of the line cars can reach 220 mph. He could have done his Philly trip in 17 minutes.”
John Sykes from Automobile Weekly suggested to Winkelmann that a less flashy car was more in tune with Pope Francis’ persona. Winkelmann responded, “John, we also make Porsches, Audis and Volkswagens and if he really wanted a crappy car we would have gladly given him a Skoda.”
Late this afternoon, Chrysler Fiat’s CEO, Sergio Marchione responded. “We are extremely proud of the fact that the pope chose Chrysler Fiat. After over 100 years of making cars, we finally have built one that can go ten days without needing repairs.” Marchione continued,”Given the feedback from the pope, I think we are in pole position for the Chief Rabbi’s trip to Argentina.”
Asked for a response to the situation, a spokesman from the Vatican press office said, “Pope Francis likes the Fiat’s good gas mileage and it’s low carbon footprint. I would also suggest that Volkswagen brush up on the 10 commandments. ”Though shalt not bear false witness” includes evading EPA emission standards.”
John Tague, Hertz’s CEO also weighed in, issuing a press statement which said “Given his short visit to the USA, I think a rental would have been more cost-effective. If asked, we would have definitely waived the one way charges and upgraded him to a mid-size.”