At a press conference today in Tallahassee Florida, Jeb Bush declared himself victorious in Thursday night’s Republican debate.
Standing in front of the same “Mission Accomplished” banner his brother famously used, Bush said, “I definitely delivered a great performance. I looked aggressive and showed that I could put a sentence complete together.”
Many pundits felt that Mr. Bush needed a strong showing in order to keep his campaign relevant.
When asked what his best moment of the debate was, Bush said, “When Donald Trump gave me permission to speak.”
Major donors were relieved by Bush’s performance. T. Boone Pickens said, “Jeb beat expectations. There were no unmitigated disasters, he was semi-intelligible plus Jeb seemed a lot less confused than Ben Carson.”
During an interview this morning with Fox Business News host Maria Bartiromo, Donald Trump responded to Bush’s declaration of victory.
“Maria, first of all, can I still call you “the money honey?”
Trump continued, “I thought Jeb did an excellent job. When I said let Jeb speak, Jeb spoke and during a commercial when I asked Jeb to get Cruz a Cuban sandwich, he got him one.”
Trump went on, “That scary woman dressed in Green was not nearly as well-trained. She kept interrupting and had the nerve to say things that made sense and were specific. Unbelievable.”
When asked to comment, Marco Rubio said, “My father was a bartender” and John Kasich said “My father was a mailman.”