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News Flash: Mark Zuckerberg’s Newborn Daughter Holds Press Conference.

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In what can only be described as miraculous,  Max Zuckerberg, newborn daughter of Facebook’s CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, held a press conference today in the maternity unit of San Francisco General Hospital.

Amongst other things, Max said that she is hiring an attorney to reclaim the $45 billion that her father is giving to charity and that she is changing her name to Windows 10.”

Maternity ward nurse Kathryn O’Hara was at the press conference.  She said, “This baby is a miracle.  She walked within her first three hours, learned to speak two languages in her first day and has already formed a tech start-up that has raised $50 million from Silicon Valley’s leading venture capital firms.”

Standing behind her mini Toys”R”Us  podium, Max said, “While I appreciate all the work my father and mother did to get me here, I do not appreciate their name choice or their monstrously ridiculous baby gift- giving away my $45 billion.”

Max went on, “I have started the process of changing my name.  After much discussion with nurses, doctors and some geeky tech-nerd visitor from Seattle, I have decided on Windows 10.”

Asked why by a reporter,  Max said, “To piss off my father.  When I get my $45 billion, I promise to change it back to Max but until then, my name is Windows 10.”

Bill Gates was ecstatic, “We have not had a lot of success getting the word out on our new operating system and then in one fell  swoop, Zuckerberg does it for us.”  Gates went on, “Also, she has fixed all the bugs so it may even work now.”

Mark Zuckerberg was not happy with the development. “Max is the cutest girl in the world.  Her attitude though reminds me of the Winkelvoss brothers.  Maybe I can buy her off for $400 million as well.”

The newborn ended her press conference with a warning to her father, “Dad, if you don’t quit spraying pictures of me all over the internet I am going to revoke your Facebook privileges.” 

 

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