According to the Nielsen ratings, only 236 Americans watched last night’s Democratic debate.
Ann Sweeney, President of ABC said, “I guess my idea of holding the debate on the Saturday before Christmas wasn’t that great.” She continued, “I also wish to announce that I am leaving ABC to pursue other opportunities.”
When asked about the debate’s dismal ratings, Hillary Clinton said, “I am disappointed that they weren’t lower. My goal was to have a viewer number in the single digits.”
Post debate, a jubilant Martin O’Malley went into the crowded “spin room” and declared himself victorious. There were however no political operatives there. It turned out that the room was filled with elderly women attending the 2016 New Hampshire State Knitting Championship.”
Alex Trebek, host of Celebrity Jeopardy was asked to comment on his ratings win. Mr. Trebek said, “The question- For four hundred dollars I will take losers who have absolutely nothing to do on the Saturday before Christmas. Answer, those who watched last night’s debate.”
On Meet The Press this morning, Donald Trump commented, “It was pathetic, what a bunch of losers. It looked like the three stooges up there.” He continued, “And tell the Democrats that if they want tremendous ratings, for two million dollars they can have me as the moderator.”
Asked to comment on what he did last night, Ben Carson said, “Just like at our debates, I fell asleep early.”