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News Flash: Carolina First-Graders Perform Republican Debate

Yesterday afternoon in Spartanburg, South Carolina, the Pine Street Elementary School first grade class performed a reenactment of Saturday night’s debate.

A video of the event has gone viral.

Linda Powell, the school’s art teacher, said, “We are so pleased that our rendition of Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire has been watched over three million times.”

Jenny Reston, the school psychologist added, “This was fantastic, particularly as it gave some of our more troubled children a chance to shine.”

“For example, Billy Turner, the most unpopular kid in the grade, played Ted Cruz, despite the fact that not one of his classmates endorsed him.”

Reston continued, “The Principal also gave me permission to cast Johnny Smith as Trump. Johnny had been suspended for the last six months for bullying poor Will Edwards, the boy we have playing Jeb Bush.”

A number of parents and church groups protested the event. Said Betty Anne Wallace, “I do not think the subject matter is appropriate for children or adults.”

The controversy caused Charlie Keith, head of the Spartanburg County school district, to cancel all remaining performances.

Paul Hyde, theater critic for the Spartanburg News, was disappointed by the cancellations.  Said Hyde, “I thought the kids were perfectly cast. Little Rubio was robotic, Trump was foaming at the mouth, Carson was asleep and Cruz was downright scary.”

When told of the news, Johnny Smith went wild. “I practiced my Trump for thirty-six straight hours and then some incompetent clown tells me that the show can’t go on? He is a terrible, terrible person. Am I right people?”

Meanwhile, at a campaign event in Greenville, Donald Trump was asked to comment on the video.

“I have two things to say. First, I am going to sue little Billy Turner.  No Canadian citizen can be allowed in our school plays.”

“Also, the show would have never been cancelled if Bush hadn’t gone into Iraq.”

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