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Breaking News: The Pope In South Carolina, Will Debate Trump

In breaking news, Pope Francis has cancelled the remainder of his Mexico trip and is now in South Carolina to debate Donald Trump.

This comes after a sparring match between the two earlier today when The Pontiff said that Mr. Trump “is not Christian.” Trump fired back, calling the Pope’s comments “disgraceful.”

Upon hearing the news of The Pope’s arrival, Mr. Trump said, “People, when I am President, no one, not even a religious leader will be able to fly here from Mexico unless it is through the beautiful door in my wall.”

Trump continued, “I have been in touch with the Vatican and the man in the white dress has agreed to debate me on Friday night.”

Pope Francis confirmed this, saying, “I am happy to debate the orange devil.”

This development has caused a wave of reactions.

Rick Rubio and Ted Cruz issued a joint statement, saying, “We agree with His Holiness and have always been in favor of opening our borders to absolutely anyone who wants to come in.  No passport needed.”

Fifteen minutes later Cruz added, “Rubio is a liar. If you want a true liberal in the White House, I am your guy.” 

Reince Priebus, Chairman of the RNC, commented, “We are definitely having two separate debates and are still deciding whether Trump and The Pope or Cruz and Rubio will be at the kiddie table.”

Finally, at a joint press conference with Supreme Court Justices Sonia Sotomayor and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Mitch McConnell said, “I still refuse to hold Senate hearings.”  

McConnell continued, “As I have said all along, the reason for not having a Senate vote is that I want to fast-track the process.  Obama can choose whoever he wants.” 

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