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News Flash: Trump Launches Home Shopping Network.

Earlier this morning, Donald Trump announced that he will be starting a new TV shopping business.

Mr. Trump commented, “Look people, this is a tremendous idea. I will sell so much merchandise it is going to make your head spin.”

Trump continued, “Last week, at my Michigan primary victory speech, I sold 2,000 pounds of Trump steaks, 10,000 cases of Trump water and  85 new memberships to my beautiful golf club.”

“Trump University also did absolutely fabulous, even with the Chinese.”

A spokesman for Trump University confirmed this, saying, “Every single Chinese high-school senior that didn’t get into Yale or Princeton early decision bought a slot to Trump University.”

Mitt Romney said that this number is misleading as, “Only 76 Chinese children didn’t get into an Ivy League school.”

Mr. Trump is having special guests help him sell his products. Said Trump, “Carl Icahn just did his first show and boy is he cutting absolutely terrific deals for me.” 

Trump continued, “Carl just sold five thousand bottles of Trump wine at $75 each and cases of my water for $125.”

“As I have said before, boy do I do love the poorly educated.”

Trump also announced that Chris Christie will be hosting the food channel.  “I said to Chris, “The job is yours but you are fired if any Trump Steaks go missing.”

Asked what he thought his best-selling items will be, Trump said, “I am really excited about the Little Marco bobble-heads and our Make America Great Again brass knuckles.”

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