In a surprising move, Donald Trump performed a Don Rickles tribute last night at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas.
Trump said, “The show was amazing. I have to admit though I was concerned, particularly as Don’s humor is very mild and politically correct.”
The performance received decidedly mixed reviews.
Jimbo Rivers a reporter for the Birmingham Alabama Tribune was thrilled, “I gave it two guns up.”
Ali Tariq Shik a reporter for Al Jazeera had a different take on the performance. A clearly shaken Shik said, “Trump blew me away, and I mean literally. The lunatic picked up a gun, pointed it at me and fired five shots. Turns out they were only blanks but the crowd thought it was hilarious.”
Wayne LaPierre was in attendance. He was in Las Vegas promoting his newly launched autobiography, Guns Don’t Kill people, I do.
LaPierre was disappointed that more audience members weren’t armed and that Trump was light on gun jokes. “I did though like the one about Lindsay Graham and Rachel Maddow doing a Broadway revival of “Annie get your AK47.”
A reporter asked Mr. LaPierre if he would ever consider doing a show of his own. “My comedy act would be a killer” said LaPierre. “I would definitively have people on the floor, but not necessarily laughing.”
Hillary Clinton and Carly Fiorina were furious about some of Trump’s disrespectful comments, particularly when he said, “Come on folks, if anyone could empty a Vegas strip joint it would be those two on a pole.”
Trump did clarify by saying, “Palin and Bachman would be an entirely different story.”
Other candidates are scrambling for their own Las Vegas acts but without much success.
Bernie Sanders was issued a lifetime ban from the Wynn Casino. Said Steve Wynn, “My clients were upset with Bernie’s rendition of Robinhood.”
Wynn continued, “Our customers got scared seeing an old Jewish guy dressed in green, stealing chips from the folks at the high-stakes tables and then redistributing them to retirees playing the nickel slots.”
Red Bull pulled out of its sponsorship deal with Jeb Bush’s $150 million one-man show called Going For Bronze. A Red Bull spokesman explained, “Even our strongest energy drink couldn’t keep the audience awake for the entire first act.”
Finally, the Circus Circus Hotel and Casino is cancelling Ben Carson’s Penn and Teller inspired Magic Show. A casino spokesman explained, “Ben simply couldn’t saw a woman in half, his knife kept breaking.”