In an emotional address in front of his gleaming 5th Avenue Tower, Donald Trump announced this morning that by month’s end, all of his properties will have Kentucky Fried Chicken outlets.
Holding a bucket of extra crispy wings high above his head, Trump said, “To my African-American friends, what’s the one thing you enjoy more than committing crime, peddling drugs and collecting food stamps– You got it, fried chicken.”
The raucous all white crowd began chanting, “Fry em up. Fry em up.”
Trump continued,”And let me tell you folks, the chicken is tremendous. It might even be better than Trump steaks.”
Asked if he was concerned that the fast food outlets would have a negative impact on the prices of his luxury apartments, Trump said, “Not a chance. I took care of that.”
“First, most of these people will get shot trying to get out of their own neighborhoods.”
He continued, “Then, the few who do actually get here alive will have to use the service entrance.”
“And just to be safe we put the chicken joints in the basement.”
In Texas tonight, Andrew Breitbart, Trump’s new campaign chairman was asked if he thought Donald’s fried chicken strategy would help him get additional black votes. Said Breitbart, “God I hope not.”
On a related note, Latino leaders are unhappy with Mr. Trump’s aggressive outreach to African-Americans.
New York City Councilwoman Melissa Viverito commented, “When is Trump going to reach out to us. If he wants our vote we better start seeing the wall coming down and some Taco Bells going up.”