At a campaign rally this morning in Scranton, Donald Trump announced that, over the past twenty-four hours, he has earned another half-dozen Purple Hearts.
Said Trump, “Folks, these are so easy to get I don’t know what everyone is making such a big deal about.”
He continued, “I mean give me a break, getting a membership to my Palm Beach golf club is a hundred times more difficult.”
Asked where he had procured these distinguished medals of honor, Trump said, “I got two from veterans desperate for a few bucks, one from a pawn shop in South Philadelphia and three on eBay.”
“Total amount paid for six medals, $23.49. Only a Wharton graduate could negotiate such a deal.”
Fox News reported that at an event yesterday in Harrisburg, Betty Sullivan, the widow of a Purple Heart recipient, gave Mr. Trump a seventh medal but then took it back from him.
Said Sullivan, “I was there with my six month old son Charlie and even though he was crying, I was ecstatic that Donald complimented my little cutie.”
She continued, “Then two minutes later Trump tried to throw us out, so I went back up on stage and ripped the medal out of Donald’s tiny little hands.”
This afternoon in Wilkes-Barre, during a radio interview on WILK, Trump was asked if he was going to change his mind and support John McCain. Trump laughed, “You mean the old guy who got a medal just for being captured. I don’t think so.”
Trump continued, “When John gets another four purple hearts tell him to give me a call.”
Later, in Pottstown, a teary Vietnam veteran presented Trump with a Bronze Star. Obviously angry, Trump threw it on the floor and said, “You are a loser. Bronze is an insult, I only take gold.”