At a press conference today which was supposed to celebrate the opening of his new Washington, DC luxury hotel, Donald Trump instead announced that he has sold this property as well as the rest of his prized luxury real estate portfolio.
The buyer is rumored to be the Russian government and Trump will take the proceeds to re-invest in a new business venture.
Said Trump, “I am now a man of the uneducated working class people and feel that my real estate holdings should reflect this.”
He continued, “This is why I am selling Trump Tower, Mar A Largo and all my other top-end holdings to focus on properties my base will use.”
When asked what he will now be investing in, Donald responded, “Trump Trailer parks and mini golf courses.”
Asked where the parks will be located, Trump responded, “In red states such as Alabama, Wyoming and Indiana.”
Trump went on, “Also, Billy Bush and I are partnering up in Utah, because everyone knows it is a “swing” state- if you know what I mean.”
“Each of my big league trailers will be painted gold, come equipped with a gun rack and have a big, beautiful six-foot portrait of me.”
Billy Ray Branson, a rabid Trump supporter from Tuscaloosa, was ecstatic. “All those highfalutin media types and bankers whose names end in Stein can stay in New York and play golf in Palm Beach.”
He continued, “Folks like me are gonna buy us those gold Trump trailers and join a Crooked Hillary mini-golf club.”
“I am also happy that this is the first whites-only mini golf course in the country.”
Asked to comment, a Putin spokesman would only say that his new Washington DC hotel will have a very large Wiki business center, equipped with second-hand servers, all labeled HC.