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News Flash: Trump Sued By Panda Express Over Tarrif

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At a news conference today, Ming Tsai Cherng, Founder of Chinese food chain Panda Express, announced that he is suing Donald Trump for imposing a 45% tarrif on his chain of eateries.

Panda Express operates 1,800 stores globally, including many in airport food courts.

Steven Levy, Restaurant Analyst for Goldman Sachs in New York said, “We think it is strange that Trump chose Panda Express. “Anyone who has eaten even one of their egg rolls knows that it doesn’t resemble Chinese food.”

Levy added, “If the tariff is passed on to consumers, no one will be able to afford it, not even Ted Cruz with one of our loans.”

Ted Cruz did issue a statement saying that, “I am generally not in favor of tariffs but this is ok as most people who like Chinese food have New York values. ”

Rabbi Shlomo Goldberg of Tempel Hillel in Manhattan’s upper west side agrees.

“If this spreads to other Chinese restaurants then what will Jews eat on Sunday nights and Christmas.”

Some however saw the benefit of Trump’s decision. Dawn Henny, a flight attendant for JetBlue said, “This will certainly cut down the usage of air sickness bags and waits for our airplanes’ restrooms.”

Trump defended his decision and insists that any unsold food will not go to waste. “Have you seen their orange chicken after it sits there for 15 minutes. I can definitely use it to build the wall.”

In related news, a new drinking game has gone viral on college campuses nationwide. It is called Trump-pong.

Billy O’Toole, Chapter Chairman of The University of New Hampshire’s Sigma Nu fraternity commented, “Every time Trump says China, you need to drink a beer. We had the whole frat passed out by 10 p.m.”

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