At a press conference yesterday in Pensacola, Florida, Donald Trump said that he will be taking legal action against Ferrero, the manufacturer of Tic Tacs.
Said Trump,“This is just part of the conspiracy created by Paul Ryan, Carlos Slim, Hillary Clinton, all females who aren’t an 8 or better, bankers that celebrate the Jewish holidays and all in the media except Sean Hannity.”
He continued, “Somehow I am always sold the boxes tainted with something that makes a man grope any good-looking woman within striking distance.”
Tic Tacs were first introduced under the name “Refreshing Mints.” In 1970, the name was changed to Tic Tacs, after the distinctive sound of the mints rattling in their container.
“Trump surrogates, armed with Tic Tac talking points, were going on the offense this morning to explain Trump’s actions.”
A clearly rattled Kellyanne Conway, said, “Don’t you think it is a bit weird that Donald has been given tainted Tic Tacs for 40 years and these women only come out twenty-six days before the election.”
A shaking Kayleigh McEnany commented, “If this isn’t a conspiracy, why then, in 2008, would Tic Tac release a flavor called Exotic Cherry.”
An attorney representing Tic Tac said, “The Trump lawsuit is frivolous at best. Donald even made repeated suggestions as to how to improve our products.”
He continued, “For example, we have emails from Trump proving how instrumental he was in the launch of our Passion Fruit flavor.”
“Donald even came up with one of our marketing slogans, “The refreshment to be shared.”
An audio tape from a 1994 Howard Stern interview has Trump clearly saying, “I find the container totally sexy- particularly the sliding opening.”
A few minutes ago, at a campaign event in Manchester, New Hampshire, Trump shouted, “Even if I had twenty boxes of Tic Tacs in my pocket, Hillary is totally safe.”