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News Flash: Trump Taps Pope Francis As His Nominee for Vice President

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In an interview on Telemundo’s morning show- Un Nuevo Dia, Donald Trump announced that he is picking Pope Francis to be his vice presidential running mate.

“As many of you know, I cherish religion so he is a logical pick for me.” Trump continued, “There are many, many reasons why we are a natural fit.  For example, our favorite books are the Bible and The Art of the Deal.  We are also tremendous players in real estate and both live in huge palaces. I have to say though, it is a little odd that in that big place of his, he chooses the unfurnished basement studio”

Asked what impresses him most about Pope Francis, Trump replied, “Folks, this guy is a first class CEO. I mean look at the business he is running. It is global and employs millions of people. And we all know it was struggling when he got there. What a turnaround, I mean really, can you imagine what the business would look like with Carly Florina as Pope. No way she gets that job, no way.”

Trump went on to say that the two men agree on significant policy issues. “For example, we both are in favor of a progressive tax. We agree that it’s absolutely outrageous for hedge fund managers, such as our mutual friend Carl Icahn, to have their carried interest classified as capital gains. I have never seen someone so angry at Carl.” In regards to China, “We both think it is a lousy place to do business. He has no market share there and even my best people can’t get building permits.”

Trump was then asked if there are things that concern him about Pope Francis. “Well, he seems a bit soft on social issues such as gay marriage but I think he can improve. On the plus side though he is definitely not a muslim.”

Telemundo anchorman, Jose Diaz-Balart, then questioned Trump on the sensitive issue of     a bilingual vice president. “Look Jose, I made it clear to the pope that starting day one I wanted absolutely no Spanish spoken in my White House. He is a tough negotiator though so I agreed to a policy where he can add an O or an A after any english word.”

The Vatican Press Office refused to comment on this story.

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