At 10:40PM last evening, the entire electric grid of the United States was compromised, leaving the country powerless.
John Brennan, head of the CIA, said, “All seventeen Intelligence Agencies have concluded that the Kremlin is directly responsible.”
At a candlelight press conference at Mar-a-Lago, Donald Trump responded, “Brennan knows I am against any type of intelligence. Also, I know for a fact that my good friend Vlad wasn’t involved.”
Asked if he had proof, Trump replied, “Vlad was here last night. He and I were floating around in the pool drinking White Russians with a few Ms. Universe contestants.”
Trump continued, “And to be extra sure, I asked him to cross his heart and tell the truth. Vlad absolutely denied the hacking. He also told me how big and beautiful my hands are.”
“So in other words America, it is time to move on.”
Off the record, a senior FBI spokesman said, “The hacking had Putin’s patented signature.”
“Messages signed “Big V” appeared on appliance monitors across America.”
“For example, a message on the Clintons’ thermostat said, “Sorry Hillary, but don’t fret as I just got you a job at the Carrier air-conditioner plant.”
The latest hack targeted many Trump supporters.
Sitting in front of a shuttered 8-track cassette factory which Mr. Trump promised to re-open, John Rickson said, “All of a sudden the lights went out in my house and a message scrolled across the microwave.”
He continued, “It said two things. First, “Thanks for making Russia great again” and second, “A friend of mine is a Russian Prince and he needs all of your bank details.”‘
When contacted early this morning, an angry Steve Bannon said, “Putin stole my thunder.”
“I have been planning a black-out of the White House for eight years and on January 20th we will finally have it.”