At a press conference this morning at Trump Tower, Melania Trump laid out her plans for renovating The White House.
“I am getting help from experts such as Steve Bannon and the designer of the Trump Taj Mahal casino, which as you know, we called the 8th wonder of the world.”
The Taj Mahal went bankrupt earlier this year.
Sources say there has been major infighting within the Trump team over some of the changes.
When asked about the changes, Melania responded. “First, despite Steve Bannon almost resigning over the issue, The House will not be white. Guatemalan workers will paint it Trump gold.”
She continued, “And, no surprise, it will now be called the Trump House.”
“My husband also insisted that all 44 portraits of past presidents be removed and replaced with 45 paintings of himself.”
“My favorite is the one of Donald holding Obama’s fake birth certificate.”
“Also, new Secretary of Labor, Andrew Puzder, would only take the job if I agreed that the White House install a drive-through Hardees and if Carl’s Jr. was the caterer for all State Dinners.”
“However, I wouldn’t agree to his suggestions of cementing over Michelle’s organic garden or reducing the minimum wage for all White House employees.”
Melania continued, “I also had to shut down Jeff Sessions’ demand that we fly the Confederate flag.”
Newly appointed Secretary of Housing, Ben Carson, was asked what his involvement would be in Melania’s project.
Carson said, “I’m simply not qualified. It’s as hard as performing brain surgery.”
In a related story, The Treasury building will be re-named, Goldman Sachs House. It will be doubled in size in order to hold all of Mr. Trump’s appointees from the firm.
Said Melania,”The ex-Goldman executives each insisted on having their own screening rooms as well as private offices to manage their blind trusts.”